Now Is the BEST Time for a Media Diet!

dietHave you ever considered a media diet?

We’ve all thought of having a media detox. Turning everything off and letting the world pass us by sounds amazing.

Well, I have a confession. I’ve done that. It’s been so many years that I don’t remember when I started it but I turned off the news and I haven’t gone back. I’m still informed. I have trusted online sources that I check now and again but there is simply no need for me to watch the NEWS.

Between Facebook Twitter and Instagram, if it’s special I hear about it.

Earl Nightengale said that it’s our greatest resource and a true miracle. He was talking about our minds. We need to use them.

To that end I told my kids about three weeks ago that this would be a limited TV, computer, video, plugged in anything summer. They were instantly horrified.

Yup. No tv. No phone. No insta-anything.

I put them on a media diet. diet

Which isn’t the same as stepping away and coming right back. It’s more of a conscience decision to filter what you are paying attention to. My purpose wasn’t to deprive them but to make them hyper focus and be aware instead of passive.

One week into this and it’s going beautifully.

Tyler has researched and picked the project of an etsy store. Hand stamping silly tags and jewelry. He’s got a goal of making some money and learning to hustle.

Katie is putting together a book of poetry. Bitchy poetry. It’s all teen angst and hormonal ranting. It’s brilliant. I saw her drawing earily. I’m so proud. (it was of a middle finger of course.)

Yes, I just bragged openly on my kids but I want you to realize all the time and emotional energy you give to keeping up with the news. Or in their case, binging on Netflix, playing mindcraft while on google hang out for close to eight straight hours a day.

Here are some great guidelines to get you started on a Media Diet of your own. diet

Realize that you will not be left out of a major loop.

You might miss personal family moments if you go longer than three days on Instagram or Facebook but mass shooting and other horrors will still find you. So balance this with limiting yourself to a 30min check in once a day or every other day. The point isnt’ to stop being a friend but to stop letting modern tools waste your time and emotions.

Turn off the TV.

Limits are easier than you think. Try one something but make sure it’s just one show and not one sit down. I personally can sit down and binge watch a season so I know what I’m talking about. Just one.

Put on some music.

It engages different parts of your brain. Makes everything more fun.

Set some goals and get to projects.

You’ll have more time that you realized. This is both wonderful and frightening. Learn to knit or go skydiving. Start those yoga videos you bought a year or ten ago.


It’s not just for people in school. Winners read. Successful people read. It’s just that simply. Want to be successful? Start reading. Daily.

Connect Spiritually.

I like a Bible Study app. but whatever floats your boat. Good no matter what kind of diet you’re on. I often times combine connectinc spiritually with reading and love authors like Joseph Prince, John Maxwell or Joel Osteen.

With all this in mind, set a timeframe and give yourself enough time to get over the empty feeling of not quite being connected to the world around you. I promise once you’re in the swing of this you’ll not miss how things used to be and your brain will thank you. Anxiety and fear should lesson because they are no longer being fed daily. Your mind body and spirit need this.

Good luck and let me know how it goes! diet

good days

Terrible, Horrible, Rotten, No Good Days.

I posted this originally September 6, 2012. good days

I had no way of knowing the bad days I had coming my way.

In less than two weeks I was going to discover my husband was having an affair and wanted a divorce. Like getting punched in the face. Because having a kid diagnosed with a brain tumor the year before wasn’t enough. All I can say, is that I’ve had my fair share of bad days.

I’m going through my old posts as I put together my upcoming book, (working title) “Thriving after an Affair. From devastation to restoration”. It’s not easy to go through these thoughts and posts. I can vividly remember those moments. Seeing with my heart exactly the state I was in and the circumstances surrounding those moments. Almost like replaying a movie. However, I must because I can’t contain how GOOD GOD IS. He carried me through to restoring me and making me whole. He is the reason I can walk upright with a smile on my face, happily married to the same man who devastated me. (Manuscript is still in progress, not easy to relive these moments.)

So you’ve had a bad day. It happens to the best of us.

good daysRecently I’ve been hearing about some super rotten bad days. Days, weeks, months where nothing goes right. Seriously bad days. Days were good days are barely a memory.

My hairstylist has lost tons of clients due to layoffs and what nots. Her mother is in the hospital and so is her grandmother. She’s divorced and having issues on that front. The entire salon chips in at that point. People dying, car accidents, cancer, and my personal favorite, bad hair days…at the salon. It’s gotten so bad they started joking they needed a cleansing.

“We should get, like, one of those people in here”

“What like a séance?”

“No not like on Charmed but like…” “Oh crap it’s on the tip of my tongue”

“A priest?”

“You know the movie with the girl whose head spins and she vomits?”

“Yeah, we need an eggorsism”

“I think you mean exorcism. Ex like in exercise.”

“I really do need to get to the gym. Do you think I might just need to spend more time in the gym?”

Be sure to hear all this in your head with a Jersey accent. It’s awesome.

Stop laughing I was talking about bad days. This is sad stuff.

I have another friend, who hopefully won’t feel terribly outed when she recognizes herself, who is in the military and going through yet another move. Everything that can go wrong is going wrong. I would tell all but with her current luck it would give gremlins ideas to do even more crap to her.good days

I could go on and on about bad days.

I can have one just because I got on the scale and didn’t like what it said. Or for that matter bad hair days are miserable.

I could preach to you all and share many many verses about how God loves us and wants good things for us. I’m not going to bother. Truly bad days having you thinking atheists might be on to something.

I was watching one of my favorite silly sci fi shows. A dreadful addiction that keeps me sane. After all I’m not trapped on a spaceship trying to find my way home while running out of oxygen. On one corny episode they discovered a race of people that claimed where their own descendants. Don’t think about this too hard. Basically they’d accidentally been split in two and their counterparts ended up stranded on an alien planet, blah blah. The cool part was that their descendants quoted them like they were something special.

I got to wondering what would people say if they were quoting me? What gem would people pick up on? I have a super cool friend who says, “For the Love” all the freaking time. It’s endearing. I’m not known for being super patient or super nice. Blunt, I believe is a favorite word used to describe me.


While I’m mulling over all these thoughts, we as a family had an opportunity to get out and meet people. I find that while it’s only been just over a year since Tyler was diagnosed with a brain tumor I don’t want to tell everybody. Makes people weird. “Oh, honey, you’re doing so well” “Oh you must be so strong.” Yeah, yeah, I’m fabulous but I don’t really care that it took a brain tumor for everyone to see it.

Ah ha! My quote.

“Life events shape me but I decide if they define me.” Ruth Zeman

Sometimes life sucks and not a little but a lot. That doesn’t mean my life sucks. That doesn’t mean I want to look all puckered up like I suck lemons. After all, good days are always right around the corner. Often times the good days are smack in the middle of terrible times.

I have decided to describe Tyler to people not as a kid who had a brain tumor but a loveable brat who can talk your ears off. A kid who can tell a whopper so good you’ll think it was the honest truth. Now if I can just get him to write them down he’ll be a famous novelist in no time.

I’m still working on how I want to define myself.

Mostly because I occasionally believe the lie, “just a housewife”. I’m so much more than someone who cleans and cooks. I also run with scissors and laugh at naughty jokes. (Stay tuned to this channel because I’ve discovered EXACTLY who I am. Who you are too…)

So perhaps the next time you have a miserable rotten no good bad day, you’ll remember to quote me. “Life events shape me but I decide if they define me.”



Poor Poor Neglected Blog….

It’s sad but I’ve neglected this page.

Poor poor little blog. I had such great plans for you. I had such dreams.

I’m not going to make you any promises but since you bear my name I’m going to start pretending that you’re my favorite, honest.

I know I can, after all, I can do all things through Christ.


Until then consider check out these great posts:

Terrible, Horrible, Rotten, No Good, Bad Days

God’s Funny Like That

Freaking Out about SEX and  Emotional Purity 

What kind of posts would you like to see? I strive to be relentlessly helpful, How can I help you ?

Starting over with IT WORKS

Be an It Works Distributor Today


After tons of prayer and trying to watch for God’s direction I joined IT WORKS in 2014. Then managed to do nothing much with it. I planned on doing so much and after talking to 100 or so people I just fizzled.

Then I tried again.


This time because I was overwhelmed with learning I had a Giant Cell Bone Tumor. Which I named Julio the Horrible. This immediately pushed me out of growing a business into unknown territory.

Which I’m totally writing a book about so be on the lookout in the next 90 days for Julio the Giant Cell Bone Tumor – published with Amazon!

ONE THING I learned through this though is what kind of person I want to be, I want to be around and how I want to move forward with my life. There’s nothing like thinking your going to get your leg amputated to make you sit up and take note. Well, I want to move forward blessing those around me. I know I’m equipped to do it and I have the vehicle (IT WORKS) to make it my life’s work.

I really can’t think of anything better! Getting to use products that pamper me, while loving on those around me. Teaching everyone about how important they are! Being a tool of validation in this world filled with angry voices. I’m excited. God is anointing me and I’m trusting him to raise up my business to honor HIM!

If you’ve ever considered going into business for yourself, let me tell you that It Works is a debt free company with God honoring leadership. Plus, it really does work like magic which is just as fun as all the Harry Potter movies. Feel free to contact me through my contact page or in the comments. I’ve got time to answer all your questions.

Interested in just trying a wrap? Ask me how to earn a coupon to get yours free!




Choose It Works

Skeptical about It Works

Could Bitterness Cause Cancer?

I grew up hearing that people were only sick for three reasons. Sickness unto death because of sin. Sickness as a curse or family punishment or Sickness for God’s glory. Really makes one wonder if bitterness causes cancer.

This is still being taught and I’ve been unlucky enough to run across it as an adult.

Basically some Churches filled with earnest God loving believers are telling people that Cancer is caused by Bitterness, which is unresolved forgiveness. It’s you cursing yourself because of improper believing and behaving. bitterness

When my son, Tyler was diagnosed with a brain tumor I remembered this Biblical teaching and had a few people who really love me, sit me down and ask me if I needed to confess anything so Tyler could be healed. It soon became apparent to them that Tyler was sick for God’s glory and they stopped nagging me to drudge up hidden sins.

As hostile as this might sound in writing I promise you it was done in love.

Smart of you to catch that it’s still crap and nonsense.

This kind of teaching is legalistic. It started during the time of Moses because it’s apart of the Mosaic Law, which is not crap but was created to point out how much we need GOD and can’t do a darn thing on our own to be right with GOD.

Curses and punishments to the death were par for the course then.

Not so much now. .

Now, we’re under the Cross. If you’re not a Christian it probably sounds crazy. A blood sacrifice to end all sacrifices that cures the sick, saves our souls and sets us free. Sounds magical and otherworldly. It is.

Over and over again I’ve seen, “Bitterness rots the bones”. Which has led me, like a ring through my nose, to the idea that I have a bone tumor because of bitterness. Made me wonder, “Does bitterness cause cancer?”

I found myself wondering if I had brought this (bone tumor in my leg, eating away my bone) on myself? Or was God striking me down because “of His Glory”. (admit this sounds dumb?) So I did what any normal person would do, I asked.

“Hey God, What’s up? Why? Is this my fault? Am I holding on to bitterness?”

God is good and totally answered me. No, I didn’t hear voices or see pictures in my head, I just suddenly had a knowing that I didn’t know a few moments before.

A mind blowing knowing.

I’m a believer, which means Jesus lives in me. As He is in this world so am I.

He can’t be cursed. – So I can’t be cursed. So it’s not that.

The act of cross took on sin and sickness – So my sin isn’t “seen” and was already punished. Sickness because of sin would negate the cross – so it’s not that.

God doesn’t need to strike me down to prove He’s big. So the idea that God bullies us so that He comes off looking awesome is warped. So it’s not that either. march 2015 089

Expanding on the idea that God doesn’t see my sin is mind blowing. It’s completely unfair, to God. I could be holding onto bitterness (God let me know, I’m not) but it wouldn’t be cause to punish me. Under the new covenant of Grace, God doesn’t punish us. The payment was made. All for just believing, I get off scott free. It’s totally unfair, to my favor. (Mosaic Law vs. Grace is a big deal – ask me all about it.) I’m not saying natural consequences for behavior disappear. You have unprotected sex, the cross isn’t making sure you don’t get pregnant. Just that the “wages of sin” eternal payment was paid in full.

I still have a bone tumor though. It hurts. I hate it.

However, there is a certain freedom and peace of mind knowing, I didn’t cause it. God didn’t either. He doesn’t roll like that. He loves and is Love. He’s totally going to love me through this and yeah His Glory will be known but that’s simply because He’s so flipping awesome you just can’t miss Him.


Also, a word to the wise, don’t let people feed you garbage. Pray about it people.




To all of you who have given: THANK YOU! You’ve made doctor’s visits and tests possible. I’m so privileged to have you in my corner.



God’s funny like that.

I was over thirty when I heard, “God likes to talk to us.” I’m not sure why but this struck me as a duh moment. Yet I’d never thought about it either. Who knows what I was thinking and just like that, God revealed a little more of himself to me.

God’s funny like that. 

Not funny in a goofy way but in an endearing, way.

So ever since that moment, I’ve started listening to God more. He’s bigger than my tiny brain can handle so it makes sense that He answers however He wants but I’ve gotten better at realizing He always answers. It’s me that can’t always handle / hear the answer.

It should come as no surprise to anyone that more often than not I feel He’s having a good chuckle with me.

Not just because I have a seriously active imagination either.  (I’m on meds that leave me slightly stoned so when I saw a plug in station for an electric car today I asked my husband, “why are there hair dryer stations lined up the street?”)

Many of you have heard that I just discovered I have a bone tumor. I thought I’d injured myself being active. Try not to laugh to hard, I was walking three miles a day for six days a week. I was so proud of myself.

Then just like that, I could barely move my leg.

I sucked it up.

I iced.


Drank a V8. (which are seriously gross grown up drinks)

I finally sucked it up and saw a doctor. Who agreed with me that it was a sports injury so, “keep icing and heating.”


So while all this is going on we’re also suffering from mind numbing poverty. Soul crushing is saying it lightly. There’s simply nothing worse than wanting to work and not finding anyone to take you on.

A charity called and explained the backwards math that is Medicaid. “Sweetheart, Medicaid will kick in if you make this a bigger bill. You’re gonna need to tack on another couple hundred otherwise you’re going to be stuck with it. ”


Yup, I needed to run up $300 plus in medical bills or pay $400 out of pocket. Geesh.

I did what anyone would do, I went to the easiest place to hemorrhage money, the ER.

This time I got all the pokes and scans were done that hadn’t been done before. Which surprised me. I said all the same things I’d said before but this time the response was completely different. I figured at the time it was because, “10 weeks and I don’t feel any better.”



That was the end of July. (It’s mid August now.)

At this point you should be asking, “what’s funny about this?”

The whole chain of events that made me go to the doctors. I promise I’d never go otherwise. My wallet had to hurt more than my body.

Looking through the years of my life, like flipping through a photo album of memories, I can remember this leg giving me twinges after Tyler was born. That was 12 years ago. I wonder.

I’ve struggled to stand for long periods and now I wonder. Could it be that I’m not a total wimp? Huh.

My identity is in question and not in a bad way.

I’m realizing that I’m stronger than I knew.

It took realizing that I’ve been in pain for years, sucking it up to understand that it’s shaped my personality.

I suddenly feel God telling me that I should be nicer to myself.

Yeah, God’s funny like that. 

I get that it’s good we found the tumor.

The timing would have never been right so now’s good.

I get that it’s the first step to my healing.

Forgiving my body for not being what I wanted it to be, being nicer to myself.

Funny story, it took a tumor for me to learn that I’m stronger than I could have possibly imagined.

God’s funny like that. 

How has God talked to you?  tell me in the comments.


Please consider giving $$ to this go fund me my friend started for me. HERE

Thank you.

The Kids are Growing Up TOO FAST But It’s All Good

“The kids are going to have to grow up NOW. Their childhood is over but it will be okay.” My friend said on the phone. It hit me like a ton of bricks. She was absolutely right. 

I’m surrounded by Mommies falling to pieces over their kids going into the next grade while I’m dealing with my kids having their childhood abruptly ending because I’m no longer mobile. I’m not dying but we don’t know yet if my bone tumor is cancer or not. It’s easy to be very afraid.

I want to hand a glass of wine to those Mommies and give them some perspective that will make them very happy their children are simply going to the next grade. Okay maybe I’m lying. I want to drop kick them into next week for behaving like whiny babies. Geesh ladies, stop comparing a grade change to getting married and moving out of the house.

My kids are now in charge of cleaning the house, making dinner, grocery shopping, menu lists, and more. Under very light supervision. It’s not a bad thing at all but my heart twinged more than I thought it would.

I want to be their mommy.

I want to take care of them but I need them to take care of me now.

A reversal no mother ever wants.

It’s going to be so good for them.

In a world where many children go to college with no idea how to cook or do laundry, my kids will be experts. 

Tyler is 12 and Katie is 15. It was time for them to learn all these things anyway but I wasn’t close to ready to let go.

My kids will fail but in a very safe environment that will nurture them and allow them to learn easily from their mistakes. We will laugh more. After all, when bacon is burned you either laugh or cry. At my house you’ll also be labelled a terrorist for a few days.

I never would have been able to step back and let them become the adult they need to be except for this “misfortune”.  A silver lining in all this drama I can heartily thank God for.

I’m still their Mom.

I always will be.

No matter what I can or can’t do.

It’s going to be more than okay. We’re going to thrive.

Do you think you’d have the courage to let your kids run the house? 

Not that I’m saying I have a lick of courage – I’m slightly terrified. My son still thinks I’m in charge – he might catch on later and I could have a mutiny.


7 Lessons Relearned at the ER

While it’s never pleasant to go to the ER it is sometimes the best course of action. Since nothing in my life has been easy of late this was no exception.

As many of you know, end of July I was told I have a tumor eating my leg bone. Not pleasant news when I thought it was a sports injury. So I did what adults do, I started the process of follow ups and stuff.

Which is a nice way of saying I spent hours on the phone being told why they couldn’t do XY or Z. Geesh. Now, I hate conducting business on the phone so this was torture, hours of torture.

We started this journey without insurance. It’s not a path I recommend. Then we were reminded that Mike could sign us up for insurance through his new full time position at WDW. It’s just min. wage so it was a tough decision to sign away half of his weekly paycheck but we did it. We asked many times – so when can we make an appointment. We heard – you’ll get your cards in a week or so.

Yeah. Now we’re being told that we’re silly. There’s a 30 day waiting period.

I called the Ortho Oncologist to get a biopsy appointment for after the waiting period anyway. They were very accommodating  (every time, even when they say no) but told me that my new insurance was going to require that I have a primary Doctor first and I’d need a referral from them. So… I found and made an appointment with a primary listed with my new insurance but had to pay cash to see. Good times.

The new Doctor is fabulous. Wrote up referrals, made appointments on my behalf and said, “if I was you, I’d go back to the ER.” Because I was out of pocket on Monday she didn’t think it was advisable to do blood work and stuff. I mentioned my side also hurt and she told me, “please, just got to the ER, that could very well be another tumor. We won’t know until later if your leg tumor is a primary or secondary tumor.” Ugh.

So I went home and packed a bag. Told Mike and off we went, to Chick-fil-a.

1. When going to the Hospital for any reason, feed yourself first. 

I did already know this one but boy was I glad we’d stuck to this. The ER ended up being a madhouse stuffed with people. We were there for 23 hours total. Thank you Jesus for Chick-fil-a. I would have starved without eating a meal first and tried to starve anyway.

2. Always bring your charger. 

This is just a “way we do life” thing now. Don’t ever leave home without a charger people. Ever.

We also stopped at the Library first. I wanted to make sure I had plenty to read. This is always a good idea. Libraries are a wonderful thing.

3. Having to wait your turn is nothing personal. Get over yourself. 

When did Americans become so paranoid? I swear it’s an epidemic.

Let me explain.

The ER on Monday night was beyond ridiculously stuffed with people. I personally waited in basically a hallway for 17 hrs.

It was miserably cold.

It was noisy.

I hurt.

The hospital wasn’t trying to make me suffer. In fact, nice people (volunteers mostly) handed out blankets because they knew we’d get cold sitting around. Asking us if they could get us a cup of free coffee, tea or water.

However, everyone I eavesdropped on was beyond pissed acting like the hospital was full, on purpose and avoiding them personally. It wasn’t people. It was just super busy.

It was very dramatic at the hospital but I’ve seen this happen in drive thru’s and any line anywhere. Geesh people. Keep your panties on.

4. Don’t just drink coffee all day. It’s stupid. 

I honestly have days where I wish I could do this. I did this at the ER and sadly it doesn’t live up to the dream. Partly because I’m a coffee snob. However, this doesn’t leave you hydrated. When they start poking you they can’t find veins because you’ve traded them for coffee. Oops. Drink water people.

5. Never miss an opportunity to shut up. Just smile. 

I had conversations with everyone and in a rare turn of events I didn’t tell them a darn thing about myself. I just smiled. Mostly because I was tired and couldn’t really hear them but let me tell you, by the time the nurses and Doctor’s saw me, I had a reputation. I was, “that sweet lady who’s been waiting so patiently.”

It’s a good reputation to have. I’ll take it.

In the ER all you really need is a good reputation, a friend to hold your hand and clean underwear. I was a rich woman.

6. Quit grinning and baring it. Accept Help when it’s offered. 

I’m terrible at this. I don’t want to admit I hurt even to myself.

I’m not yet forty, why would I want a wheel chair?

I will walk.

Said the girl with a bone tumor making it hard to walk or stand. I’m a hot mess.

I’m learning to say, yes, thank you. I’m learning I can’t do this. None of it.

I learned it with Tyler and I’m learning it again for me.

I can’t. God can.

I will learn to say, Yes, thank you.

I need the help.

Plus why would I bother, when God’s fighting for me? I swear I can be downright stupid sometimes. Like fighting a person who is saving you. Geesh Ruth… knock it off already.

7. Never miss an opportunity to be GRATEFUL. 

I didn’t have another tumor! YAY!! Woot Woot! I have kidney stones and one is trapped. Whew. I’m so freaking grateful it’s not a tumor that if I could I would have happy danced out of the ER.

I was so blessed that Mike was able to be by my side almost the whole time. He snuck out to take Katie to her freshmen orientation (after not sleeping for 24 hours – which made it awful) but I’m thrilled he was able to do it. I’m also secretly grateful it wasn’t me at freshmen orientation.

I was given more pain killers and since I was able to lay it all out for the Dr., she got the insurance specialist to go over things with me and we strategized a rough care plan working with the goal of speed to get a biopsy. It was good to talk to people who understand insurance, it’s loop holes and are not trying to sell me a plan.

Good things.

Sunday, we were gifted with financial help too. Which made it possible to pay for my prescription, go to chick-fil-a in advance, order the pizza that fed us after we’d been away for 36 hrs, paid for hospital parking and other charges that we’d racked up. If not for that gift we’d have been screwed. Thank you church family, thank you GOD.

All in all, I won’t be forgetting these lessons any time soon.

I hope you never have to go to the ER but if you do – don’t forget these 7 things. They’ll make it much easier. I promise.

4 Conversations I’m Never Having With My Teenagers

I honestly have more than four conversations that I’m chickening out of but I’m not interested in baring all of my soul today.

I will start by saying that I think teenagers are brilliant. Probably my favorite parenting stage so far although I’ve noticed I liked all the stages the best when I was in the middle of them.

Teenagers are potty trained.

They are able to do laundry, dishes, mopping, clean the car, cook dinner and all sorts of other neat tricks.

Basically they think they are grown ups and spend their days trying to prove it having no clue at all the funny little things they are missing. Some of those things, I need to mention.

I’m just not sure how. Or if it’s really such a good idea if it comes from me?

Part of me hopes that society will shame them into the proper behavior. This is the path I’ve chosen for their lack of hygiene.

My sweet, precious angels smell like a hockey team most days. Yes, the whole team. They eat like they are line-backers and they think it’s cute to ask for more food between meals.

Which brings me to the list of things I’m frankly chickening out on.

4 Conversations I’m NEVER Having With My Teenagers

  • Bikini lines. My daughter doesn’t read my blog, if she did or does, I”m pretty sure she will never speak to me again but how do you tell your own kid that “bathing suits are not supposed to sprout that much hair… everywhere.” I just can’t. God forbid we talk about waxing. NO.


  • Your Pimples are out of control and your face is starting to rot, please shower more.  Again, Mother’s don’t ever say stuff like that. I’ve done a million or so gentle talks about cleaning our faces but she just doesn’t seem to care. So she basically doesn’t clean her face, ever. It’s bad… so bad… I should loving take her aside and fix this but I honestly have no idea short of putting a bag on her head or forcing her to submit to me washing her face each morning. She’s taller than me so both of these would be a feat.


  • You’re going to get fat if you keep this up.  I’ve been torn up about how to address this one. I totally talk about how I’m fat, I know it and it’s easier to catch it at 5lbs than 50lbs but they aren’t connecting the dots that I’m talking to them. Those sweet precious slugs. Yeah, you – kid – you’re going to have a huge ass if you don’t get up and exercise! Sigh. I don’t them burdened with body image issues and food problems. I don’t know, I’m simply just wimping out here.


  • Masturbation. It’s okay if we all pretend this doesn’t ever happen right?  Has any parent ever had that conversation? In fairness my parents had it with me but they are weirdos it went like this.  “Don’t ever touch yourself or you’ll go to hell”. I can just pass right?

It surprises me that I have things I don’t want to talk about. After all I was prepared for puberty and eased them into that conversation just fine. They got curious and asked questions that I answered knowing they would take in what they could and come back for more info later. I was proud they were asking me and not google.

But these? I really really hope they didn’t ask google.

Tell me, did your parents ever mention a peep on these? Tell me in the comments


Camp is NOT Fair.

First things first, Camp is NOT fair. Camp will never be fair.

These were the opening words spoken as I dropped my kids off for camp today. It’s been a roller coaster of events getting to this day.

In February when camp sign up, submit deposits, came along Mike was working and it was going to be tight but it was important to us that the kids went to camp. Probably more for our sanity than their benefit. After all, it’s nice to think someone did something with them this summer besides telling them to unplug.

Mike lost his job mere moments later. Literally the same week we paid the non refundable deposit. Our church is super awesome though, most churches do this – but we’ve never been the recipient before – they sponsored our kids to go anyway. Hardship scholarships.

More than ever, our kids need to go to camp. Probably not for the reasons you’re imagining.

When we got the permission slips to sign and rules to review I had a great laugh and a mild heart attack.

CAMP is NOT fair. Ever.

Your LEADER’s get to make their own room rules, pray they are merciful.

HUGS are not FREE. High five’s only.

I was officially laughing out loud. Camp was going to be freaking fabulous!!!

Then – no cellphones.


I both applaud this and had a mild panic attack. Over the next few days I kept reassuring the kids that it was going to be fine. After all, I didn’t have a cell phone until after college. Come to think of it I didn’t get one until after 2000…. I was a hold out. I didn’t want a “leash”. Oh how times have changed.

I’d volunteer to be a google person. If I could just install apps on my arm, I’d do it.

No phones.

It’s really smart.

How am I supposed to track them? Pester them? No communicating with them for days. Huh. Who knew I’d have a hard time with this? Not me.

I had one of those nights where you wrestle with a problem all night. I was ready to march up to the church and demand an exception because I’m special. Very very special. I was paranoid and getting more so by the moment. Which was ridiculous. I love and trust all those people with my kids. I trust my kids too.

Katie knows that if someone is trying to physically hurt her she’s to knee them in the balls and go for the eyes.  Tyler will only need to talk to them. Their ears will start bleeding and do whatever they can to give him back to me.

No phones.

It’s just as well though. Our phones were shut off last week. This is maybe a blessing in disguise as I can figure out what to do about our phones without having to hear my teens whine about it.

I have five days.

I hot-tailed it home and did something I’ve literally been dreaming about. Can you guess?

I cleaned my house.

OH Yeah.

Normally I don’t a clean house. I’m teaching the kids to do their chores. Training them that if they don’t, no one does it. Which means I’m not allowed to follow behind them. My house has been gross all summer. Gogurt tear offs, otter pop plastic cases, sticky spots, crumbs, nasty smells. I’ve been slowing dying inside.

The kitchen was the worse but it didn’t even take 45 minutes. It would have taken Tyler all day and I would still have to check things as I touch them. Now, I know everything is sparkling. I even washed everything in the cabinets. I have five days to enjoy pulling clean dishes out of the cabinets. I’m almost giddy.

Five days to prepare meals in a clean kitchen.  Five days to eat grown up food.

It gets better.

No mystery laundry souring. The laundry is finished and put away. Both bathrooms are clean, smell nice, have glade candles happily burning away the last bit of teenage BO. The toilet paper is on the roll in the right direction and the last person to use the TP ripped it at the perforated spot. I’m living the dream.

For five whole days.

Camp might not be fair, but I don’t care.

I might have to ask Mike to sleep in a tent. Can’t have him messing up my oasis. (love you, honey)

What are your plans while the kids are at camp?